We'll Be Home for The Holidays, but Who's Home?
The holiday season is here, Christmas music is playing, apple cider is being warmed, and if you are like us, the excitement of traveling home is boiling over!
Now, I should preface this post by saying that Elijah and I are so grateful and thankful for our Village. We both have such big and loving families, but boy does it make the holiday's difficult.
Both Elijah and I grew up with extended familes. Mom and stepdad, dad and stepmom. As kids and college students it was just a matter of "tradeoffs" Thanksgiving with Mom, Christmas with Dad, or vice versa. Luckily for me, my parents lived close to one another so most holidays I could visit with both. That worked out just fine.
But what do you do when you're married, and you're two homes have grown to four?
It brings me back to another hell...I mean time when we were creating the guest list for our wedding. How do you accommodate and make everyone happy? You can't, it's impossible.
I thought, "we can't be the only ones with this dilemma, right? " I spoke to some other Millennial Wifeys and learned how they navigate the holidays with their families and in-laws.
Bend and Accommodate - Kizmik O.
"We got into this “whose family is more important” debate.... which of course, no one will EVER win that argument! The holidays are super important to Quay and I and we would hate for either of our families to feel left out, excluded, or ignored. Both of our families are out of town and when we first started dating, we broke our necks trying to make it to both families within one day! So, we tried to split the holidays, visiting one side for Thanksgiving and the other for Christmas. That didn't work. So it's back to the basics. We've decided that until we have kids of our own, we will bend a little to accommodate both families."
One Big Happy Family - LaSara B.
"Demetrius and I both have a favorite holiday. Mine is Christmas and his is Thanksgiving, so we usually will travel to Detroit to spend thanksgiving with his family (if the budget allows) since that is his favorite holiday or if our finances can’t afford to travel that year his parents will come to visit and we will host them. This year however we did thanksgiving as a big family (mine and his) in Orlando. For Christmas since the majority of my family is here in ATL we are always home since it’s my favorite holiday and I like to have my family around."
Lucky To Keep Traditions - Whitney R.
"The Holidays make me think about traditions and growing up but when you get married it’s time to gain new traditions and sometimes not get to partake in some from the past. JR and I are lucky enough that my family celebrates days leading up to Christmas because all of my brothers live in different places. JRs family starts the celebrations later in the day on Christmas so we are able to participate in all of our favorite family traditions!"
My Mom Is My Plus One - Ashley S.
"My husband's parents are both remarried, but live 5 minutes apart from each other, so we usually take my mom with us and travel down to my mother-in-law's house for Thanksgiving dinner and then have dinner part two at his dad's house. It works for us for now, but we may decide to host one of the holidays when kids come. "
Set The Expectation - Catie T.
"This season, since we are actually in town, we plan to host our families for a desserts/game night on Christmas Eve. Just for fun and treats for the holidays. Since both of our immediate families don’t live far, we feel like that can set us up for success on going. When we have kids, we probably won’t want to travel to everyone’s house on Christmas Day, so setting the expectation of having everyone over at one time will be good for us we think.
Thanksgiving was odd, my MIL didn’t ask to see us so we just spent the whole day at my moms with my family. But we planned to try to visit everyone."
Though every couple has their own way of celebrating the holidays, it's important to remind ourselves that this is supposed to be a cheerful and joyful season and the stress of who's house to go to or which state to be in shouldn't overshadow that. It will be impossible to always make everyone happy, attend every function or gettogether. We do the best we can and make sure we are doing what is best for our own household.
What are your holiday family struggles? How do you manage spending time with you and your significant other's families?